Final farewell

Yesterday, me and my family went to say our good-bye to our grandmother. She does not have that long left now, but it was surely one of the worst things I have ever done to see her there in her bed. There is no trace of that jolly, energetic grandmother I remember her as, and I always will make sure to. The morphine she gets for her pain makes causes not only her, but her body to relax and disappear. I was glad that she at least was awake when we came, although she couldn't speak we knew she could hear and see us.

Me and my brothers took some time on our own with grandmother, to let our hearts out for her. It was heartbreaking, but I could still see that spark of energy of my grandmother in her eyes as my eyes began to fill with tears. I love my grandmother, she has always been there in my life, and now she is slowly fading away. But it calms my heart to know that she could hear my words, I told her how much I loved her and could feel her squeesing my hand in a silent response. At that instant I knew she heard me, that squeese was all the response I needed to know.

It is both the cancer and the morphine that causes her body to slowly turn off bit by bit. Morphine is constantly injected to her which causes the cancer to take over the fast as her body relaxes and her defences as well. But even if it gives her less time, will it still let her fall into her final rest peacefully without any pain.

Tomorrow there is a church service for grandfather where his name will be announced amongst the deceased, and on friday the burial ceremony takes place where I together with my father, his brother, grandfather's brothers will carry grandfather's chest to his final rest. I feel proud to do this, it will be tough to do but it will feel great to do this for my dear old grandfather.